Good Relationships - Your Basic Right

We are in relationship all the time. Even if we try not to be, we can't help it, because in the end even a hermit must contend with himself.

Interacting, sharing, taking, giving, loving, being with the other people on the Earth - it's what we are meant to do. Relationships can bring us joy, teach us everything we should know, and make life worth living. They can also cause us pain, damage our sense of self, and break our hearts.

Lately, I've wondered what constitutes a good relationship. And usually when I ponder and think about a concept long enough the answer appears. Sometimes the answers come in the form a timely email from a friend or a chance encounter with a stranger. This time the answer was in a book that fell into my hands at the perfect time.

When I wanted to know what constitutes a good relationship, I wasn't asking what makes a good marriage or friendship or parent/child relationship. I was searching for something basic, a soul-level answer that could be applied to ANY relationship in my life.

I found it. It's simple and when I read it, I knew in my heart of hearts it was true. I could apply in every aspect of my life, a litmus test to get my bearings with if I feel lost and unsure.

Here it is:

In ANY relationship, I, you, and everyone has rights. Because someone is in a position of authority over us doesn't change our need for these basic rights. In EVERY relationship, we ALWAYS have the right -

To feel safe with the other person.

To be treated respectfully.

To not be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by another.

To be heard.

To be appreciated and valued for who we are.

To have our privacy and boundaries respected.

To have our basic needs met.

To feel good about ourselves within the relationship.

If these basic ideas are not present in a relationship, then it's time to examine the cause, and make changes accordingly. And be open to the idea that it might be you who is not providing these things for someone else. That's a hard thing to admit but no one is perfect or blameless.

This list of basic needs works for everyone from the very young to the very old. We all deserve to thrive within our relationships. Sometimes that's not the case and it helps to have a set of criteria to determine where you stand.

May we all find peace, happiness, and love in our relationships. And when we can't, may we learn the lessons and move on with open and forgiving hearts.

When It's Time To Follow A Dream - Short Time To Act On Amber's Behalf

This is my friend Amber. She has a dream of traveling abroad. So what, you say? Everyone wants to travel. Yes, but not in the way Amber dreams of traveling.

She doesn't want to lie on the beach in Cancun or sip ouzo on a hillside in Greece. Amber wants to make a difference, to impact the lives of the community she visits in a positive way. She desires to be immersed in the culture and be part of the lives of the people there if only for a short time.
Amber wants to contribute and give back. This is why I admire her.

Recently, through happenstance (but is there really such a thing), Amber learned about a program called Cross Cultural Solutions. Founded in 1995, CCS is a recognized leader in the field of International Volunteering. By partnering with CCS, Amber will go to Costa Rica for one week this summer. CCS will place her in the appropriate volunteer program that fits her talents. Amber hopes it will be to work with children.

I expect she will have an experience much like that of Sandra Flannagan. Sandra spent a month as a teaching assistant at Escuela Puente Casa, a school for disadvantaged children in Costa Rica. She helped in the classroom and played with the children at recess. Sandra says that spending time with the children at school while they were happy and smiling made it easy to forget that they live in abject poverty on a hillside littered in broken glass. They are refugees from the Nicaraguan civil war. The houses they live in are made of discarded cardboard, aluminum, and tin.

I expect that Amber, too, will be fighting back tears when her time in Costa Rica is over. My friend will have cherished memories of the pain she helped to ease and the bit of happiness she gave to someone in need. I know her well enough to understand that not only will she make a significant impact on this journey but she will take away great joy for her efforts.

Now, Amber is asking for help to cover the program fees for her trip. It's a significant amount but completely doable. Because I believe in her and in her dream, I'm asking that my readers take a look at the information and consider donating to her fund. After my donation she will have $1,310.00 left to raise before July 8th.

Even though I have been lax about posting lately, somehow this blog still gets 100 hits per day. If everyone who sees this blog today pledged just $10.00 to Amber's cause, she would have most of her funds covered.

Also, any of my buddies with blogs who wish to repost this article in part or in whole, you have my permission and thanks for helping Amber with her cause. Wouldn't it be incredible if her story went viral and her fees were completely covered by kindness from around the world!

After her trip, I'm going to ask Amber to guest post on LifePrints so she can share with you the joy that WE helped to make possible. If you can help, please do. Amber and I will be very grateful. This is the reason I created LifePrints, to spotlight people stepping up in this world. Because of it, I have a chance to spread the word and help someone I know well...and that is no happenstance.

Volunteer At A School - They Need You

My youngest son is 4 years old. He recently started preschool at a nearby church. I was as excited about this milestone for myself as I was for him. I planned to dedicate my new found free time to working diligently on my current novel. Then I read all the paperwork that accompanied my son's admission. Surprise! I was expected to volunteer in Ethan's classroom at least three times during the school year.

At first, this frustrated me. I went to my selfish place and figuratively had a tantrum that my little piece of freedom was being encroached upon. I didn't stay there very long because I realized that my little boy's childhood is speeding by as fast as lightening and I didn't want to miss it.

Yesterday his eyes lit up and he held my hand as we walked into the school. "This is so awesome, Mom," he said. I helped his teacher, Ms. Kelly, prepare the crafts, serve snack, and clean up at the end of the day. Ethan stayed near me all day and occassionaly blurted out to one of his classmates, "Hey, that's my mom!" Now it was my turn to beam with pride.

I watched the children's reactions when they found out they were making puffy flowers with glue and shaving cream...messy, fabulous fun....and I was thankful to be there and be part of it. It did me a world of good to remember the joys of childhood and how simple life can be if I don't complicate it.

Ms. Kelly appreciated the help and thanked me at the end of the day. I'm going back in May to help her again. Our children's teachers need us - our time, our commitment and our support. Also, our children need us to participate in their education. If they see learning is important to us then it will take on a new meaning to them.

Educators complain that parents use schools as babysitters and surrogate parents. What if adults had to sign a contract to volunteer in the public school where their child attends - like I had to for my son's preschool? Would things be different in that community?

Sign up with a teacher to be a helper for the day. Elementary schools are always looking for volunteers, as are secondary and high schools. Don't be leery of the big kids. They need us, too.